On Motherhood

Mother was The Woman the whole world had imagined to death. – Deborah Levy

Becoming a mother was synonymous with putting my life in the hands of fate. Relying on hopes and dreams while making a life-long commitment to a person I had never met and would only learn to know with time felt like the ultimate form of letting go. It was terrifying and thrilling and by far the riskiest thing I had ever done.

Historically, women have been expected to become mothers. To this day, becoming a mother is common. Perhaps that is why motherhood seemed less profound, less brave and extreme than it actually is until it knocked on my door. We all have a mother; and, for better and worse, our lives have been impacted by her. For mothers, knowing the consequences of your actions will sooner or later be revealed in the life of your child is a hard fact. In this way, before we choose it, we know motherhood will be rewarding and punishing to different degrees. It will bring times of joy and times of heartbreaking disapointment. Still, the dream of giving and receiving unconditional love trumps the worry and fear of most.

Countless women have accepted the responsibilities of motherhood. From the outside, this slightly dims its shine. However, there is something truly spectacular in the commonality of it, the manner in which one mother connects to all mothers, the emotional recognition they possess, the empathetic depth they are capable of feeling for one another. There is power in connection. We understand our feelings with greater clarity when they are reflected back to us and heal more readily when we are seen and validated. This is the idea that reignited my creativity and inspired the painting "Irma", the concept that motherhood and all it entails is universal.

My own path into motherhood ment enduring one of the most painful experiences of my life, a nonviable pregnancy. You know things are bad when the hours spent awake are the nightmare. Fortunately, my second pregnancy provided a healthy, living baby. What a relief! Difficulty conceiving, miscarriage, failed pregnancy and infertility are misfortunes several women face. Often, motherhood teaches us to take the good with the bad, even before it begins; and, at the end, leaves us so humbled all we wish is for both ourselves and our children to find the love, respect and forgiveness mother-child relationships need.

Undoubtedly, motherhood will be the biggest growing experience of my life. Many mothers have warned me. They have described it as simultaneously the greatest and worst thing a woman can do. Although the ups and downs of it are inevitable, I find comfort in being one of many rather than one of few.

To see more of Julia’s work visit her Instagram here.